


Riptide

by reachingforinfinity



Series: Matters of the Heart [2]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, F/F, Gen, Memories, Past Relationship(s), Reunions, Sad, Slow Build, Unexpected Visitors, eventual thasmin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-13 22:44:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17496785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reachingforinfinity/pseuds/reachingforinfinity
Summary: When River finds her way onto Thirteen's TARDIS, how will the Doctor cope?AKA the Doctor deals with a lot of emotional baggage... with a little help from her friends.(on hiatus)





	Riptide

**Author's Note:**

> So this series went in a completely different direction than I'd expected. However, I promise that the Thasmin _will_ happen.
> 
> Title inspired by ["Riptide" by Robert Palmer](https://www.lyricsfreak.com/r/robert+palmer/riptide_20309549.html).
> 
> Also written for [this prompt](https://fffc.dreamwidth.org/165644.html).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title taken from "The River" by Bruce Springsteen.

Yaz had been restless all night, and gave up on sleep for good when she woke up for the fourth time and saw that her cell read 06:00. She hadn't been able to get Ryan's words from the previous evening out of her head.

_'If I liked someone as much as you like her, and I thought there was a chance she might like me back... I'd go after it.'_

Then there was the Doctor falling on her. Had she really stayed there for longer on purpose, as Ryan seemed to think? And what had she thought about the other moments – when she was pressed so closely into Yaz, or before that, when she'd teased her? Had they affected the Doctor as much as they'd affected her?

Yaz shook her head, trying to clear the thoughts away, then reluctantly rolled out of bed. She pulled on a long pink robe that had been in the Doctor's wardrobe before she leisurely made her way to the console room.

The lights in the room were even dimmer than normal, but Yaz could see the outlines of panels on the floor. Bundles of long wires stuck out from beneath the console, and chopped-off bits of copper and plastic were scattered everywhere. She moved nearer the front of the TARDIS, being careful not to step on bits of debris, but the Doctor was nowhere to be seen.

"Doctor? Are you there?"

Yaz was getting closer to the TARDIS door, where walls made of interlinking hexagons concealed, as Yaz now knew, delicate bits of circuitry that were somehow related to the Time Vortex. Maybe the Doctor was working behind one of them.

She had just stepped behind the first one when the TARDIS door opened, and a figure quickly ran in, slamming the door shut behind her.

It was a woman she'd never seen before. She was breathless, and her clothes were covered in dirt. She shook out wild, blonde curls, sending particles flying in every direction, and Yaz stepped back, putting a hand up to shield her face.

"Who are you?" Yaz asked.

"I could ask you the same thing." The woman brushed several large chunks of earth from her jacket, then looked at Yaz appraisingly.

"I'm the Doctor's friend," Yaz said. "How did you get in here?"

The woman smiled, then held up something small and silver. "I have a key."

Yaz's eyes narrowed. “How exactly did you get a key to the TARDIS?”

"Look, I don't mean to be rude, but I really need to find the Doctor. Do you know where he is?"

Yaz blinked. _He_? "I was just looking for the Doctor myself."

"And what's all this?" The woman stepped forward, putting her hand to one of the hexagons by the door, then took in the main area of the TARDIS. "He redecorated? Oh, don't tell me – this is a regeneration I haven't met yet. Not many of those left. Not that he remembers most of those visits, mind..."

Yaz had no idea what the woman was talking about, but it was becoming very obvious that Yaz wasn't going to be able to handle this situation alone.

"Doctor!" she called out with some urgency. "Doctor, are you back there? I really think you should come out."

"Yes, I quite agree," the woman next to her said.

"Yaz, is that you? I thought you'd still be in bed. Just popped out to get some spare parts." The Doctor stepped out from behind the TARDIS, her arms full of odds and ends.

"Doctor, this woman just came in. She's got a key to the –"

A loud clatter erupted behind her, and Yaz turned to see that the Doctor had dropped everything she was carrying. The blood had drained from her face, and she was staring at the stranger with wider eyes than Yaz had ever seen.

" _River_??"

River, as the Doctor had called her, peered at the Doctor, frowning. "You know me? Wait a second... those are TARDIS parts you were carrying. You're the one who's been working on it, aren't you?"

River stared for another moment, and her mouth fell open in a small 'o' as it dawned on her. “It's you, isn't it? _You're_ the Doctor.”

The Doctor's expression changed to something almost like panic.

"River, listen to me. You can't stay here. You need to go, now."

"I was chased here by at least half a dozen Brown Daes,” River said. “If I go back out there, they'll kill me."

"Brown Daes? That can't be right. I scanned the entire area – there's no animal life anywhere near this part of the planet." The Doctor walked quickly to the console and turned a few knobs, activating a viewscreen, then frowned. "Okay, those were _definitely_ not there when I landed."

Yaz and River had gotten close enough to see the display: it was a topographical map of the region that was now overlaid by eight bright red circles, all of them slowly moving in the direction of the ship.

"It really is you," River whispered.

The screen shut off, and the Doctor turned back toward River, with a look on her face that Yaz had never seen before. The determination was nothing new, but there was danger in her expression as well – and something else that looked incredibly sad.

"You really shouldn't be here," the Doctor said. "This was never supposed to happen. It _can't_ happen."

"But you only have twelve faces," River said, slowly circling around the Doctor. "I have pictures of all of them. How can you be in this body?"

"Spoilers." The Doctor turned away from River and took several agitated steps further into the TARDIS, wringing her hands as she moved. Yaz had never seen her like this.

"Doctor, are you okay?" Yaz asked softly.

"Course I am." The Doctor attempted a smile, and although Yaz automatically smiled back, she wasn't in the least bit fooled.

"Oh, that's right... you two don't know each other." The Doctor made her face as neutral as possible before she looked in River's direction again. "River, this is Yasmin Khan, but her friends call her Yaz. Yaz, Doctor River Song."

River raised her eyebrows, but after a moment she nodded at Yaz. "I suppose you travel with the Doctor."

"Yeah. Well, me and the guys. They're still asleep."

"I'll be quite interested to meet them," River said, coyness making its way into her tone. The Doctor, however, was serious as she stepped toward River, staring her directly in the eyes.

"River, I think we need to talk. In private." The Doctor looked at Yaz apologetically. "Would you mind leaving us alone for a bit?"

"Of course not. I'll be in the kitchen if you need anything," Yaz said. She gave River another once-over, staring at the two of them for several more seconds, then turned and walked back through the far door.

Once Yaz had gone, the Doctor looked at the dirt-stained bag River was carrying. “Do you have the diary with you?”

River smiled. “Of course.” She took it out, and the Doctor noted that its cover and pages looked incredibly worn.

“When exactly was the last time you saw me?”

River flipped through to the last entry she had. “Crash at the Byzantium. As I recall, that was an early one for you.”

In the 24 years they'd spent together on Darillium, River had told the Doctor quite a bit about how their timeline had actually unfolded for her. Now the Doctor racked her brain, trying to remember where the Byzantium had been for River.

“Pretty late in your timeline, though, wasn't it?”

River narrowed her eyes. “How do you know that? Did you read my diary?”

The Doctor sighed. The truth, in this case, was less of a spoiler than a lie. “No. You told me.”

River thought for a moment, and during the brief silence the Doctor felt a pang of grief so sharp that she almost gasped. So many things that she thought she'd come to terms with were beginning to go through her mind rapid-fire, bringing with them emotions that she hadn't felt in an extraordinarily long time. Had the feelings always been so strong – hurt this much?

“Why would I tell you something like that? Isn't _that_ a spoiler?” Then River gave the Doctor a sharp look. “Unless...”

“Don't. Please.” This time the Doctor couldn't hide the pain in her face, and River took a step forward.

“Sweetie, it's all right.”

A storm of words had been brewing inside the Doctor since she'd first laid eyes on River, but it was River's concern that finally pushed her over the edge. Before the Doctor could stop herself, raw thoughts began pouring out.

“I never thought I'd see you again... I was never _supposed_ to see you again. This, all of this – it's wrong. So many things in the universe could fall apart just because you're here right now. How could I not have realized you might find me again? I should have taken precautions.”

“Doctor,” River began, but there was a strange look on the Doctor's face, and when she spoke again, her words were vehement.

“You can't possibly imagine what it was like, trying to get over you. Knowing exactly when the last time I saw you would be, and knowing that when you left, you'd be gone forever. Not a chance in the universe that our paths would ever cross again. You have no idea, no _idea_ , what it was like to lose you.”

The Doctor felt tears springing to her eyes, and she immediately lowered her head. A moment later she felt a gentle hand touch her chin, lifting her face again, and she was startled to see River's eyes glimmering with moisture.

“I've missed you so much,” the Doctor whispered.

Then, still unable to stop herself, she pressed her lips against River's, pushing her against one of the TARDIS walls as she ran her hands greedily over River's face. For a moment the Doctor lost herself in the kiss, letting the old love expand inside her as she desperately tried to block out every other emotion.

The Doctor didn't realize that she was still crying until a strange, salty taste entered their mouths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize that this a bit of a teaser chapter - the writing has been very slow-going. I will update as frequently as I am able.
> 
> EDIT: Writing has been at a standstill for quite awhile now. Life interferes with it, unfortunately. I don't know how long it will take me to get another chapter written.


End file.
